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I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart: The 100 Worst Songs Ever (2009)

August 17, 2009

100 worst songs ever

We all hear about the greatness that is the next Radiohead non record and get certain parts of our body moist when the latest Animal Collective B-side comes out, right? (Right?). And while we wallow in this greatness of music that a lot of people seem to find deliciously tasty and appealing, there always been a part of the a music lovers’ life which gets absolutely neglected and underhanded as you or I cover our head in pitiful embarrassment at the mention of that time.

I’m talking about that time when you loved “Shit Music”.

Oh of course you hate all that stuff now, but come on, don’t say you’ve always had an inkling towards the music of Neu! ever since Mrs Brown from Year 6 told you about them. I’m sure you told yourself from that point on as well that Rod Stewart was never cool except when he was in The Faces as well? Well, the truth is that’s bullpoo, we’ve all been to enough horrible nightclubs, wedding nights or karaoke gatherings to know that we have some compassion of this “Shit Music” of many eras. Well, I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart: The 100 Worst Songs Ever by Colin Bowles is pretty much like all those horrendous experiences, but in a hilarious side splitting book form.

This very funny book made me feel like Colin was saying to me right in ear “Why, oh why did you like this song once upon a time?”. Depicting such glorious moments like Billy Ray Cyrus’ “Achy Breaky Heart” to Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” to Archies “Sugar, Sugar” from the sixties. Even The Beatles, Lou Reed & R.E.M. don’t escape Bowles wrath! To give you an idea, here is an excerpt for one of the songs on the list, “I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd:

‘… you and I both know tricks are for kids, so get the Dom Perignon outta the fridge’, Hmmm, inspired stuff. They rhym,ed kids with fridge! And Dom Perignon? Isn’t he the Frenchman who invented corkscrews? If your fantasy is anal sex on a tiger print waterbed with mirrors on the ceiling and Enrique Iglesias with asthma slapping your rump with a wooden spoo, then you probably have a Color Me Badd CD somewhere at the back of your closet

There are also some hilarious lists as well, including a top 20 lists of Rock’s eccentrics which had quivering at the antics musicians got up to (make sure you’re prepared when you google GG Allen). Colin really uses so much insult that you just shake your head and wonder why musicians decided to associate their name with these songs in the first place. You then realise why, so that you can laugh at them years later and feel better about yourself.

Buy I’ve Been Flushed…

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